T.1

Ugh I can't believe I missing someone who I had a FWB situation with like 3 yrs ago. It makes me sad a bit that he went and got into a relationship with a girl right after I told him I couldn't see him anymore cus I was catching feelings.

This is the kind of self-loathing that isn't necessary and brings confidence levels down.

I do currently have a stack of guys that I have been conversing/ sleeping with. It makes me feel better but sometimes when u have too much of nothing it makes you sad. Like which one is the right one? Which one is ganna give me what i really want and am made for?

Then i end up lonely because I can't figure it out and fuck myself in the end by ghosting those mo fos or saying something mean to push them away.

Ugh.

It was weird. The other day I went to the park. Where I.1-4 we're blogged and I asked a guy to come sit with me at the park. This one is interesting. It was very awkward though because we both sat there (high af) and were staring at the babies and kids. Like first date and we both had baby fever. Bahaha

Awkward

Anyways this one was cute, arrogant, touchy, healer, hairy, beautiful eyes, chill, funny, bold, hugged me way too long in public and made too many inappropriate comments off the bat. Something about him though that keeps me slightly interested. Idk

What is it? Am I too in tuned with my sexuality that it makes ppl say i appropriate things? Am I too blunt with my body? Am I insecure?

I know I am slightly insecure but come into myself more and more each day. Sometimes I look at myself and think I look at this beautiful body and face God I'm lucky I don't look like a toad and others I feel like a fat blob.

O gawd why does this even matter? Who the fuck cares? And really if they do they can go fuck themselves. In the end I am the only one that truly matters.